October 20, 2016

Al and the crew working the roof.


Finally things have started in the last phase of renovation.

However, plans have drastically changed.  My spouse of 16 years has left me for an affair with a married woman w 2 kids in California.  They re-united on Facebook, bitching about their respective bad marriages and it started from there.
She swore to me in a text  in August that she was ashamed, and did not want to have her kids to come from a broken marriage and was gonna stop all contact w Jon.  
She was gonna fix her marriage.
J is an airline pilot and all his trips with overnight stays were to san diego, where she lives.

But the gut is a wise and knowledgable instinct, I have read that the 6th sense, intuition or whatever you call is is actually your soul.
Mine said to me: trust, but verify---in fact, that was a lesson taught to me in residency.  That way, you made sure your patient was always safe and getting the care they needed and deserved.

So I enlisted the help of some seal team friends.
They obtained irrefutable proof that on  9/11/16 neither one of them has any remaining integrity or honor.

I wonder if you can ever regain those characteristics once you loose them?

I've never felt very honorable, however, I do hold strong beliefs about duty and for me, I think honor means keeping your promises, doing what you say you will do.   Siri says: adherence to what is right, to fulfill an obligation, so I suppose my definition is correct.

So now the beach house is all I have.
Maybe it will be done by winter. I hope so.  It was cold here last winter.  And I'm sure I won't be running off to Key West for a week like we did the past 2 years.

We spent close to 70K on architect fees, soil borings, surveyors fees, structural engineers, for naught.  No cool contemporary house will be built. In fact,  I just went to another flood zone meeting this Monday.  If there is not permit in the city by 17FEB17, the opportunity to build on that lot is gonna go away.

Now I spend all my money on therapists, life coaches and shamans.

I gave up drinking any alcohol, because it doesn't make the pain go away.  And amazingly I have lost now over 20#.  I weighed 113# last time I checked, now I'm getting too thin, but that's just from lack of appetite.

I cry everyday, but I have a saying taped to my wall: "Even if I have to cry everyday for a couple of years, its better than having a frozen heart."

"Sometimes when the people you love hurt you the most, it's better to stay quiet because, if your love wasn't enough....Do you think your words will matter?"

But then....
"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time" Maya Angelou

Talk about mixed messages.


Normal is an illusion, what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

and then:   We live on a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire next to a moon that moves the sea, and you don't believe in miracles?

Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one of those is to lose all three.

God can restore what is broken and change it into something amazing. All you need is faith.