reflection on 2 years

It's almost then end of the year.  2018  I re-read my posts from 2016, almost made me cry again.  actually I did cry a bit.  I still can't believe I'm divorced.  The shame, hurt, and just complete devastation.

I got sick recently, Nov 11, 2018--it took literally 14 full days to recover, by far the first week was the worst--but ODDLY, this was the first time since my husband left me that I got sick.

I know that sounds weird, but I see it as some kind of a sign.  When your body is stressed, your immune system is weakened  and you are more prone to illness.  Why didn't I get sick at ALL for the past 2 years?  was it a way my body was being resilient because the toxic marriage was over?
I was so pressured to get married.  I extended the engagement to over a year, I called from deployment and told him I was unsure about getting married. I still went thru w it--again, other peoples expectations.  Me not wanting to upset things, people please.

And I have/had this habit of biting my nails, did it my entire life, disliked it, it drove my former spouse crazy--but again since he's been gone, I just don't bite my nails anymore.   They grow so long now I have to actively trim them because they get in the way of typing. There was no intention to stop it, it just happened.  Again weird--what is the world's energy trying to tell me?

So MUCH happened in 2 years, living w a porta potty vs. a bathroom, getting forced into a divorce I didn't want, betrayal, toxic job, leaving the job, getting a different, far better job, having the cottage finished, going to Singapore, Going to Australia, spending a month in Europe, getting another cat, getting my garage plans done, getting it started, and now getting it almost finished.

Dating--Omar was lovely, my Delta pilot and retired COL.  Going to VT w him was so much fun, his little touches on the plane were amazing, he made me feel wonderful.  Charlottesville w him several times, TN, the Island, Denver at the Ritz.  The ROSES. He was such a good rebound man.

And Parker, How could I forget about Parker--we met in Bermuda, and VA and KY.  What a sweetie, a gentleman, classy for sure.
UPS CAPT--love Parker, we are still friends.

Then Edward in Australia, what a lovely man.  And that accent OMG, he was so sexy and cheeky.

Now I have met a new man, Jeff--he's different, still a pilot, so still definitely my type, 777 CAPT, flew in the RAF.  But he's sweet and he makes an effort to every night send a sweet text and similarly each morning, but not so early to wake me up.  (5 hrs apart)  He is a new relationship, and I don't want to project anything, but I'm very much looking forward to Christmas in London. His accent is to die for as well!  Very British! Kind--that is an unusual word in my men experiences--KIND.  Not pompous, egotistical, full of himself, but genuinely kind.


Soon my garage will be done, and my tiny house.  Yay!  I will get all the stuff organized and get to decorate the studio and tiny house.  So excited to do that and take my time and enjoy the process.

I want to type in this very public blog: Going to church during this awful transition time in my life has been such a life-ring.  I did not go to church for 39 years.  Now I go every Sunday that I'm home. I really like to go.  I like my new family at church. I like going w my friend. I like how I feel after.  I like working at the yard sale and typing the minutes for the Vestry.  I like that church has helped to make me a better person.

When I have horrible dreams, I pray or read a faith based book or some faith based stuff on Pinterest. When I feel lonely, I do the same. It helps.  It really, really helps.